Tell me now, who doesn't lie? In most cases, we lie to protect ourselves, and we call it white lies. What happens when it gets out of hand? I lie... and i don't mean white lies or small lies... i lie to an extend i forget who i really am. I've intelligently (mind you) lied about every aspect of my life. I lie to mama, I lie to most of my relationships, I lie to my best friend, to my missing halves and most of all I lie to the public.
I feel inadequate when I don't lie. I'm insignificant. I lie to get attention. I can't stop it, so I just need to continue doing so, until a few people figure it out and there's only a handful of them. Some stayed and become my guardian angels, and some dismissed me off their life. Regardless of the consequences, I'm stuck this way and I can't bring myself to come clean.
An instance of this would be today. My other half left for India today, to begin a new life (there you go again, another lie)... Let me start over, He left for India to visit his mom, and I was stone hard cold to him, I couldn't bring myself to even hug him. When all I wanted to do was scream and bawl my eyes out and stop him from taking that plane ride. Here's the funny thing though, he'll only be gone for (haha) a week! I didn't feel anything until I got to the car and told myself, he's gone, my companion left me. And still... I felt nothing. Then as i drove off, i received a text message from him indicating ho he felt and i replied i would feel the same (another lie), but when he replied he would miss me the most, I teared up. He was telling me the truth, he was my reflection of what I feel, I just couldn't let it out.
So now I'm on my own for a week, and my goal is to stay sincere and loyal while he's gone. A very difficult task for me since I've never been that before to anyone. Wish me luck!
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