heart. no heart.

i need to deal with issues that is making me like this... i need to get away from everything and lick my wounds... facing this alone, headstrong and telling myself over and over again "i'm good, i'm ok" isn't gonna do it anymore, i can't deceive myself anymore... i throw myself at work thinking i'll forget this pain, but its not gone yet... i can't wait for my sister to come home so i can nangis puas2 until my sister cry with me and tell me things will only get better, though i know it won't... i know i'm at my best when i'm on my own, but i'm happiest when someone loves me and right now it feels like no one does... i feel it, but i know its not true... i have everything, i have my family, i have my friends, my officemates, i'm lucky that way, but why isn't it enough? Why do i feel as if someone ripped my heart out and the pain goes all the way to the pit of my stomach? What's worse than this is that i eat to fill up that bottomless pit... Venting out my problems only give me some sort of a comfort for a week or so, then i get upset all over again... I know what to do... even uncle told me to do it... but how can i? How do i go? I can't deal with another break up... i've had 5 break ups in 2 years... 2 years... i know what people are thinking... she must be a lousy girlfriend... when i comes to this... it must be me... so how can i go and meet someone new when i know i'm just gonna end up failing again?